ARMY SNIPER Posted September 23, 2021 Share Posted September 23, 2021 5 hours ago, letsdothis said: Went to see a psychic who was in a bad mood... ...then I saw a clairvoyant who was really grumpy. I'm just trying to find a happy medium Ain't we all 😉 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albundy1089 Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 One night I asked my Scottish friend how many sexual partners he’s had. He started counting, and after a minute or so, he fell asleep... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 My friend is making an absolute fortune by selling pictures of salmon dressed up in human clothes. It’s like shooting fish in apparel. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 Fact: Get ready for your first French lesson! Walkie-Talkie in French is 'Talkie-Walkie.' 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted September 26, 2021 Share Posted September 26, 2021 Joke of the day A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting saused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?" Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So what happened that's so horrible? Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Man: Ok, but that's not so bad. Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So what happened then? Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. Man: Again? Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So, what did you do then? Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Man: Hmmm Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So, what did you do? Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nagachilli2 Posted September 26, 2021 Share Posted September 26, 2021 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted September 26, 2021 Share Posted September 26, 2021 The kids were coming into class and sitting down. They were discussing money, talking about where currency was made. Billy said, "At the mint." Frank piped up, and said, "No, that is where coins are made." Janie had the best answer, though. She said, "Money is made at the ATM. That's what the letters stand for... All The Money!" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albundy1089 Posted September 26, 2021 Share Posted September 26, 2021 One day, a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the Barbie on display in the front window?" The salesperson answers, "Which one? We have Work-Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie for $265.95." The amazed father asks, "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?" The salesperson answers, "Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture, Ken's computer and one of Ken's friends." 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted September 27, 2021 Share Posted September 27, 2021 Joke of the day A recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on a beach towel at Cocoa Beach, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?" "Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book. "I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked. "First time since my wife passed away last year," he replied, and again turned back to his book. "Do you live around here?" she asked. "Yes, I live over in Suntree," he answered, and then resumed reading. Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted. "Do you like pussycats?" With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate ride of her life! As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?" The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?" 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted September 28, 2021 Share Posted September 28, 2021 Joke of the day The Horse, the Chicken, and the Harley One day the horse and the chicken were playing when the horse fell into the bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm and searched for the farmer to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. The keys were in the ignition, so the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the Harley, the chicken then drove slowly forward and rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented...Best Buddies A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a large mud puddle. Soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking under his legs, the horse told the chicken to grab his penis and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life. The moral of the story is: When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyChappie Posted September 29, 2021 Share Posted September 29, 2021 I got in a taxi and told the driver where I wanted to go, 15 minutes into the journey I tapped the driver on the shoulder and he screamed almost crashing the taxi. When he'd calmed down I said 'sorry man I didn't mean to scare you' and the driver replied 'this is my first day driving a cab, for the last 25 years I've drove a hearse'. 🙂 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted September 29, 2021 Share Posted September 29, 2021 Men are like fine wine... They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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