Aussie_oi_oi Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 Joke of the day A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?" The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight. The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TBG 150 Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 God, is that soooooo true. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 Taking a Bath with Sister Joãozinho takes a bath with his sister. Watching him play with his own 'toy', she complains: - I want to play with your toy too! - None of that! - he answers, decided. - You broke yours and you'll end up breaking mine too... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted November 27, 2021 Share Posted November 27, 2021 During dinner, Joãozinho talks to his mother: - Mommy, why is daddy bald? - Well, son.... Because he has many things to think about and is very intelligent! - But mom... then why do you have so much hair? - Shut up and eat this fucking soup, boy! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted November 28, 2021 Share Posted November 28, 2021 Joke of the day An old man calls his son and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough." "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams. “We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister and tell her," and he hangs up. Now, the son is worried. He calls his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" She calls their father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing. The two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper. DO YOU HEAR ME?” She hangs up the phone. The old man turns to his wife and says, "Okay, they’re both coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted November 28, 2021 Share Posted November 28, 2021 Joke of the day A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. The missus got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." "Did you dance much ?" "I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to...." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted November 28, 2021 Share Posted November 28, 2021 Joãozinho asks: - Teacher, does light taste good ??? - Light ??? Of course not Joãozinho! Why ? - Because I heard the father say to the maid: turn off the light and suck 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted November 28, 2021 Share Posted November 28, 2021 Honey, where's that book 'How to Live 100 Years?' - I threw it away! - Threw away? Why? -It's just that her mother comes to visit us tomorrow and I don't want her to read these things 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted November 28, 2021 Share Posted November 28, 2021 When a couple enters the house, the husband tells the woman that he has a surprise for her and that he will blindfold her to enter the house. Right after entering the house, the husband says that he goes to fetch anything that he forgot in the car, and that however she could not remove the blindfold. As he went to the car, the woman made a valiant fart and fanned her dress to air a little. When her husband arrived, he told her to take off her blindfold, and all her friends were in the room, as it was her birthday. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TBG 150 Posted November 28, 2021 Share Posted November 28, 2021 2 hours ago, Aussie_oi_oi said: Joke of the day A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. The missus got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." "Did you dance much ?" "I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to...." But, you posted this on Friday. Was it so good that it deserves a re-run? 😉 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted November 29, 2021 Share Posted November 29, 2021 19 hours ago, TBG 150 said: But, you posted this on Friday. Was it so good that it deserves a re-run? 😉 Yes 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted November 29, 2021 Share Posted November 29, 2021 A boy asks his father 'Daddy, how many types of breasts are there?' The father, surprised, responds 'Well, son, there are three types of breasts. At twenty a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. From thirty to forty they are like pears, still nice but a little droopy. After fifty they are like onions.' 'Onions?' 'Yes, you look at them and cry...'. A girl asks her mother 'Mom, how many types of chicks are there?' The mother, surprised, responds 'Well, daughter, a man, goes through three stages. At twenty, a man's dick is hard and erect like an oak tree. From thirty to forty he is like a willow tree, supple but sure. At fifty he is like a Christmas tree.' 'A Christmas tree?' 'Yes, dry and with some balls hanging for decoration'. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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