Jokes #1

[Slender Man]

3 hours ago, Dave 27 said:

How big is the queue at B&Q

Same size as the B😀

[ARMY SNIPER]

4 hours ago, Dave 27 said:

A bad tempered diner summoned the waitress for the seventh or eighth time

"Do you call this pig he asked pointing the contents of the fork at her" 

"At which end of the fork sir?"she asked😀

[HappyChappie]

I got talking to an old friend of mine, he'd been married for 3 months and we got talking about sex lifes,
so I asked him how many holes have you fucked your new wife in and he replied I've fucked her in only one hole.
So I challenged him to fuck is new wife in the other hole and he said he would ask her.

A week later we met up and got chatting after which I asked him about fucking his wife in the other hole and he replied
she would not let me fuck her in the other hole as we can not afford kids yet. 🙂

[ARMY SNIPER]

9 hours ago, HappyChappie said:

I got talking to an old friend of mine, he'd been married for 3 months and we got talking about sex lifes,
so I asked him how many holes have you fucked your new wife in and he replied I've fucked her in only one hole.
So I challenged him to fuck is new wife in the other hole and he said he would ask her.

A week later we met up and got chatting after which I asked him about fucking his wife in the other hole and he replied
she would not let me fuck her in the other hole as we can not afford kids yet. 🙂

 Must be why people call their kid's 'you little shit's '

[turkey]

Why does beard hair grow in older women ???
To easily find the first chin !!!

[HappyChappie]

Let me try an oldie, how do you make a snooker/pool table laugh?

You put your hands in it's pockets and tickle it balls. 🙂

[StnCld316]

Why is every American receiving a $1200 check?

 

Because Trump always pays off the people he has fucked.

[StnCld316]

An Irishman and an Englishman walk into a bakery

 

The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me."

The Irishman replied, "That's just simple thievery, I'II show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results."

The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says, "Sir, I want to show you a magic trick." The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick. The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it. He asked 2 more times and after eating them again the owner says, "Okay my friend, where's the magic trick?".

The Irishman then said, "Look in the Englishman's pockets."

[StnCld316]

My Tinder bio says I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and I’m paid to travel

My dates are always upset when I tell them I’m a bus driver.

[StnCld316]

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a Dutchman are all on a zoom call.

The four men are all on a zoom call with their boss. Their boss asks “Can you see me?” and they respond

“Yes”

“Oui”

“Si”

“Ja”

[StnCld316]

A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted a prostitute's terms. When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair.

The man shouted, "What, no wool? In my country all women have wool down there." 

The prostitute snapped back, "What do you want to do, knit or fuck?"

[happyone]

This is an old joke--perhaps some of you have heard it before. 

A man named Jose went to America to see the Yankees vs. the Red Socks.

They were all sold out, but they allowed him to enter the stadium and so that he could watch the game, he climbed up the flag pole.

Anyway, it was game day. Everyone stood for the National Anthem. When Jose got home, he said,

"Mama, everyone in America was really concerned and they sang a song to me .

" "How does it go, mijo?"

"They sang Jose can you see!