Aussie_oi_oi Posted August 28, 2021 Share Posted August 28, 2021 Joke of the day A very drunk guy met a prostitute up a dark alley. He asks how much for full sex. '$20' she replies 'Ok.' says Paddy an they get down to business. Next minute a cop appears and shines his flashlight in their faces, 'What's goin on here?' he asks. 'Nothing Officer, I'm just having sex with my wife.' 'Sorry Sir,' apologizes the cop, 'I didn't know it was your wife.' Drunk shouts, 'Neither did I till you shone your friken light in her face!' 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ARMY SNIPER Posted August 28, 2021 Share Posted August 28, 2021 A guy was so horny he just had to have sex. a buddy showed him when it was still daylight a back alley and told him that the alley was a short cut and lot's of people used it late at night.so he waited until it got dark then he went and hid under a metal stairway. he waited and waited until finally someone was coming up the alley.he was so desperate that he grabbed her and took her under the stairway and raped her.when he was done and let her go he was so shocked to see that it was a nun when she got out in the moonlight.he started saying he was so sorry and begged for her forgiveness and not to tell "The Father",but she said that she was still going to tell him.Well what are you going to tell him asked the guy,she said that you grabbed me in the backalley and raped me Twice.but the guy said i didn't do it but one time at which time the nun say's " Yeah but you are going to do it Again aren't you. 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted August 30, 2021 Share Posted August 30, 2021 Joke of the day A blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a TGIF tee-shirt. Why are you wearing a Thank God It's Friday tee-shirt on a Monday? Oh crap! the blonde says. I didn't realize it was a religious T-shirt. I thought it meant Tits Go In Front. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albundy1089 Posted August 30, 2021 Share Posted August 30, 2021 A genie offered me three wishes. "Wait", I said, "Let me think... Ok, listen." 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 Joke of the day On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder about whether or not they could get married in Heaven When St. Peter arrived, they asked him if they could get married in Heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he goes. The couple sat and waited for an answer.... for a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons of a marriage in heaven. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, considering the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?" Another month passed, and St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes,"he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering: what could we do, if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, threw his clipboard to the ground.... "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. ........ "OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea of how long it would take to find a lawyer?" 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAGNAR Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 I guess i'm here to tell you all i have a very strange addiction,,people think it's weird,and don't laugh,but i have an addiction to car brake fluid,,,but i know i can stop anytime i want.🤪 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albundy1089 Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 A man is visiting friends in Alabama and decides he’s needs a drink so he goes to a local bar He walks in and orders a glass of wine. Everyone sitting around the bar looks up expecting to see a flamboyant Yankee. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and asks “ you ain’t from around here are you?” “No sir,” He says, “I’m from Minnesota” “ What the hell do you do in Minnesota” the bartender asks. “Im a taxidermist!” The man replies. “What the hell is that!?” The bartender asks. The guy says nervously “ I umm, mount dead animals” The bartender smiles and shouts out to the whole bar “ it’s ok fellas, he’s one of us!” 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted September 1, 2021 Share Posted September 1, 2021 Life hack... You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed simply by forgetting your wife’s birthday. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted September 2, 2021 Share Posted September 2, 2021 Joke of the day A German tourist while walking around in New York city's Chinatown, notices a restaurant named "Hans Baumhauer's authentic chop suey"... He gets curious, and wants to find out more about this German man who has set up a restaurant in the heart of china town. He asks a very old Chinese man squatting in front of the restaurant, "Do you know this Hans Baumhauer who owns this restaurant?" "Yes", says the old man, "I am Hans Baumhauer." "Really?!" Says the German with surprise, "How did you get such a strange name for a Chinese person?" "50 years ago", begins the old man, with the air of a person who has oft told this tale, "I was standing in the immigration line at Ellis Island having just gotten off the boat from Hong Kong. The immigration officer was coming down the line asking us our names and handing us our paperwork. He reached the guy in front of me in the line and asked him his name. 'Hans Baumhauer' the guy said. The officer handed him his papers. Then he turned to me and asked my name. 'Sem Ting' I said. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted September 2, 2021 Share Posted September 2, 2021 That would be "normal." No one with 10 fingers has all their fingers on one hand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted September 2, 2021 Share Posted September 2, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted September 2, 2021 Share Posted September 2, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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