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Jokes #2


Alexandria

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Farmers Brown & Jones had adjoining farms for years and didn't get along at all.

One night after supper, Farmer Brown knocked on Farmer  Jones' door. When Farmer Jones answered the door, Farmer Brown said, "I know we don't talk often, but I wanted you to know that our mule just died today."

Farmer Jones replied, "I'm certainly sorry to hear that, but I am wondering why you came over here to tell me?"

"Because," Farmer Brown said, "you're always supposed to notify the next of kin."

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Customer: Barkeep, what’s the special today?

Barkeep: It’s an original drink we call the Zomazoid. It’s made with 2 shots each of 100 proof alcohols. It contains Vodka, Tennessee Whiskey, Tequila, and Scotch, topped with Irish Cream and Banana slices.

Customer: What do the customers that order this drink say about it?

Barkeep: No one really knows, we can’t understand what they’re saying.

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Two guys are in a bar complaining how they can't pick up any woman
When one points at a man sitting alone at the table. "Look at that ugly mug. We are both better looking, have nicer clothes and more money. Yet every night he take a woman home, sometimes two at the same time." "True that!" agrees his friend, "we try to talk to girls, get them interested in us. He does none of that, he just sits there entire evening, licking his eyebrows."

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A rude man walks into the bank and tells the teller: "I want to open a fucking checking account."

The teller, upset, says "We don't tolerate language like that here."

The man asks "What's the fucking problem? It's not like anyone really gives a shit!"

The teller then leaves without a word, to go and speak to the manager about how to deal with this man. The manager, hearing the story, goes back to the man to see what the problem is.

After asking the man, he responds with " There is no fucking problem. All I wanna do is cash my 10 million dollar check from winning the lottery and then put it in this goddamn bank!"

The manager responds with "Oh, and is this bitch over here giving you any problems, sir?"

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The conceited young man had been in the hospital for some time and had been extremely well looked after by the pretty young nurse.

"Nurse," said the patient, one morning. "I'm in love with you. I don't want to get well."

"Don't worry," replied the nurse cheerfully, "you won't. The doctor's in love with me too, and he saw you kissing me this morning."

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