ARMY SNIPER Posted December 12, 2021 Share Posted December 12, 2021 6 hours ago, Aussie_oi_oi said: Joke of the day A man went fishing and hadn't caught a thing in four hours, when all of a sudden the local vicar turned up and cast his rod into the stream and within half an hour his keep net was full! The man is getting quite pissed off at this so decides to ask the vicar how he does it. The vicar kindly tells him "Well my son, go home tonight and rub your hand between your wives legs, and then rub it in with all your worms and the smell will attract the fish!" The man thinks this is a good idea so he goes home and sees the wife standing by the stove cooking dinner, he goes up to her, sticks his hand up her skirt and starts rubbing away. The wife giggles and says "Oh hello vicar, off fishing again?" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nagachilli2 Posted December 12, 2021 Share Posted December 12, 2021 13 hours ago, Aussie_oi_oi said: Brilliant Aussie!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nagachilli2 Posted December 12, 2021 Share Posted December 12, 2021 13 hours ago, Aussie_oi_oi said: And they say cricket's boring 🤣🤣🤣 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyChappie Posted December 16, 2021 Share Posted December 16, 2021 Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill. One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital. Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says, 'Oh he's out in Rehab exercising'. Paddy couldn't believe it, but here's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm. The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill. A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw thingamabob. So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to hospital. Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies, 'He's out in the Rehab again exercising'. And sure enough, here's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. And very soon Mick comes back to work. But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head. Wearily Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to hospital. Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says, 'He's dead.' Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. 'I suppose the saw finally did him in.' 'No', says the nurse, 'Some dopey bastard put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted December 20, 2021 Share Posted December 20, 2021 If you're feeling lonely, abandoned, thinking no one cares... "Late payment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted December 20, 2021 Share Posted December 20, 2021 A man and a beautiful woman were dining by candlelight in an upscale restaurant. Suddenly the waiter noticed that the man was slowly slipping under the table. The woman didn't seem to notice that her companion was gone. "I'm sorry, ma'am," said the waiter, "but I think your husband is under the table." - No it's not - said the woman, looking calmly at the waiter - My husband just entered the restaurant. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ARMY SNIPER Posted December 20, 2021 Share Posted December 20, 2021 One sure fire way to get back on your feet...Miss two car Payment's! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 My wife just called me pretentious. I was so surprised my monocle fell out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 The 4 stages of man... He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn't believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus. He looks like Santa Claus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted December 28, 2021 Share Posted December 28, 2021 A plane was about to crash with 5 passengers on board and only 4 parachutes. The 1st passenger said: 'I am Kobe Briant, the best basketball player in the NBA, the LA Lakers need me and therefore I cannot die.' So he took the first parachute and jumped out of the plane; Second passenger Hillary Clinton said: 'I am the wife of the former US president, senator from New York and a potential future president.' Then she took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane; Third passenger, George W. Bush, said: 'I am the President of the USA. I have great responsibilities for being the leader of a superpower and I'm the smartest president in US history, so the American people don't want me to die.' - So he took the parachute and jumped out of the plane. The 4th passenger, the Pope, told the fifth passenger - a little 10-year-old girl: 'I am old and weak and I don't have many years left and I must sacrifice my life and leave you the last parachute.' . Then the girl said: 'It's okay Papa, you still have a parachute left for you. The smartest president in US history jumped with my school bag!....' 1 1 4 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted December 28, 2021 Share Posted December 28, 2021 Married for 30 years, they were visiting places they had been on their honeymoon. As he passes a farm he sees a high fence bordering the road. The woman says: - Honey, let's do it like 30 years ago. The guy to the car. The woman leans over the fence and they make love like never before. Back in the car the husband says: - Honey, you never moved like this for thirty years or any other time! - It's just that thirty years ago - the woman answers - the fence wasn't electrified 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted December 29, 2021 Share Posted December 29, 2021 An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them." 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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